I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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