WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize