It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize