hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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