Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
