My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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