fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
