So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
