so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
