i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
