nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
