Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
