Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
