there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
