She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
