You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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