I accidentally had phone sex last night
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My penis needs a shock collar
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
