Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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