Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
