I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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