I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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