We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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