3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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