he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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