I can text with my tongue
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
