I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
