i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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