Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
