She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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