He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
