just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
