Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
