i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
