her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
