True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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