Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
