I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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