Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Randomize
