I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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