I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
