dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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