I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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