They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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