Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
