i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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