I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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