i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize