So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
