apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
