i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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