I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
