god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
