do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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