He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
