i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
