this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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