Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
