I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
