He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
