Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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