ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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