There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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