We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
