He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
