im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
