Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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