I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
