I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
