This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
