i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
