where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
