I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
