You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
